Could've sworn I heard that somewhere
by InkySpectacles
Summary: Where Merlin, Arthur and Co. find themselves quoting Doctor Who more often than not. Will feature anything from snark to humour to BAMFiness, and anything from 1963 to...now, actually
1. Cockerel

**So, the idea for this series of oneshots comes from the story "Merlin's Epic Speech" by The-White-Tiger-of-the-West. It's very good and you should all go read it. Now. **

**Soooo... this story is basically me swanning around on Wikiquote, finding lovely little _Doctor Who_ quips, and recycling them into _Merlin_ drabbles. Or oneshots if I'm being particularily creative. **

**Quote is taken from The Rebel Flesh, Season 6, Episode 5.**

**IDOM**

Clattering down the steps, Arthur entered the courtyard and was met with a scene of absolute chaos.

Numerous carts were overturned, people were running everywhere, and the air was thick with sawdust and straw, making visibility difficult and breathing even more so.

About to shout something along the lines of _What the blazes is going on here_, Arthur let out a small "oof!" when Merlin crashed into him, sending them both flying.

"Merlin, what the hell is going on-"

"No time to talk, Arthur!" Merlin was on his feet again, dashing off. "I've got to get that cockerel before all hell breaks loose!"

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to refrain from charging after (and strangling) his manservant. Turing to re-enter the castle, (even an afternoon of studying the laws of Camelot would be better than whatever was going on out here) he remarked, to no-one in particular;

"Never thought he'd say that again."

**Okay, here's how this is going to work. We've all got our favourite quotes, so leave yours in a review and I'll do my best to write something out for it. (And it appears I've become absolutely shameless in my please for reviews.) I've a few more chapters to post, but after that, updates will be as sporadic as... all of my other stories. To those of you in the angry mob gatherin outside, please form an orderly line and KEEP OFF THE GRASS! That is all. **

**-InkySpectacles**


	2. Crying

**This is from the Doctor Who season 5 Christmas Special.**

**IDOM.**

Arthur, for what was probably the first time in his life, was at a loss. He slipped out the room, hoping to find something to help his current situation…

And ran smack into Merlin.

The manservant paled. "Arthur, I swear I wasn't eavesdropping-" however, he shut up when he saw the Prince's face.

"Gwen's crying"

Merlin peered inside and say that yes, Gwen was definitely a little teary.

Looking awkward, Arthur continued. "When girls are crying, are you supposed to talk to them?"

Merlin gave Arthur a reassuring smile and clapped hin on the shoulder. "Sire, I have absolutely no idea."

He then fled down the corridor, tossing a "You're on your own for this one, my lord!" over his shoulder as he turned the corner.

Arthur gulped.

He had faced down numeorus terrifying creatures, bandits, and other enemies of Camelot without batting an eyelid.

And he would cheerfully fight all of them at once with no sword and one hand tied behind his back if it meant he wouldn't have to deal with a weeping Guenivere.

**Reviews make me smile. And update.**


	3. Target

**Now here's a couple of drabbles with quotes taken from The Pandorica Opens and The Big Bang. Enjoy!**

**And I still don't own Merlin or Doctor Who! Maybe for my birthday... (it's fun to delude myself)**

Why Merlin had decided that it was absolutely necessary that they leave the nice warm castle to go on another quest in the snow, Gwaine wasn't entirely sure. They had been riding for three hours already, and Gwaine had lost all feeling in his toes. And his feet, and his legs…

(Though that may have had more to do with the flask of Dragon's Breath Specialty Mead that the barmaid had slipped him when Arthur had dragged him out of the tavern to saddle his horse.)

Up ahead, said King was questioning his Court Sorcerer about the nature of the latest threat to Camelot, which, apparently, had been trapped in a small mountain some ten years earlier.

And was therefore a bit cross.

"If this is anything like the Cockatrice, Merlin, and you forget to mention some important skill or weakness again, so help me I will-"

"It's far more dangerous than that, Arthur- it's been called a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior... A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world."

Gwaine was starting to regret going on this quest. Given that there was no way Merlin or Arthur was going to die, and that nothing seemed to be able to kill Leon, (he swore that is he dropped the aforementioned knight of a tower, he'd probably _bounce_) _he_ was the prime target for quest-casualty-of-the-week.

Oh, goody.

Urging his horse to catch up, he turned to Merlin and asked the question that he was sure was on everyone else's mind. "If this…whatever it is, is so all-powerful, how come it's trapped in a mountain?"

An oddly guilty look immediately swept over Merlin's face. Attempting to appear nonchalant (and failing miserably), he flapped a hand and said, "You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it"

And Gwaine remembered numerous incidents where Merlin had gone "picking herbs", vanished for a few days, and returned looking like he had been dragged sideways through a gorse bush. Several times.

Turning to Leon, who had been watching the entire proceedings with a look of mild inteterst, he muttered the phrase that was running through everyone's mind at that very moment.

"I hate good wizards in fairy tales; they always turn out to be _him_."

…

Later on, after several incidents involving statues that were far, far _far_ too lifelike for comfort, the group was huddlind behind a rocky outcrop. Something had just fired a rather lethal fireball in their direction, and Arthur had given the order that no-one was to do anything foolish until they had a good idea of what they were dealing with.

Merlin was muttering to himself, runnning through a list of possible creatures with that level of pyrokinesis…and coming up empty. Turning to Arthur, he rubbed the back of his neck before beginning.

"Okay, we need a proper look. Gotta draw its fire, give it a target."

Arthur was starting to have a very bad feeling about the entire affair. "How?"

Merlin, if possible, looked even more flustered than before. "You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?"

_Oh dear god this isn't going to end well_. "Yes…"

The next thing he knew, Merlin had dashed out into the open, waving his arms and shouting.

"Look at me, I'm a target!"

**Why do I have the nagging feeling that he'd actually probably do that?**


	4. Run

**Quote: The Doctor's Speech, taken from "The Eleventh Hour". You know the one. Is it any wonder this is the longest chapter yet?**

**And I don't own anything. It's probably a good thing.**

The day had, officially, been saved.

The rather irritated faeries that had shown up demanding a recently escaped criminal (and threatening to raze Camelot if their demands were not met) had departed with their prisoner, Arthur was preening about how much of a hero he'd been (even though he'd simply tripped up the escapee and broken the amulet that he was using to maintain his glamour), Uther was taking stock of all the damages and ranting about how magic was evil, and Merlin was being ignored.

The usual, however, came to a screeching halt when Merlin ducked into an alcove and began using a long-distance speaking spell.

Contacting the retreating faeries.

And he wasn't happy.

The knights, who had noticed him slipping away, caught up with him in time to see him speaking into a glowing globe hovering in his hand. While Gaius suffered a minor panic attack, Merlin spoke slowly, enunciating every word. With a final "Back here, _now_", he closed his fist, ending the spell, and strode towards the stables. Saddling his horse, he headed out to the forest where he and Arthur usually went hunting, the knights galloping to catch up with him.

Arthur followed, choosing to disregard the whole Merlin-is-a-sorcerer-and-therfore- shouldn't-he-be-evil-but-he-isn't-_he's-Merlin_ matter in favour of more pressing issues.

"For god's sake, Merlin,_ they were leaving_!"

"Leaving is good," Merlin agreed. "However, never coming back is better"

(In the background, a slightly confused Gwaine asked Elyan "Did he just summon faeries back? Actual faeries? Deadly faeries? Faeries. Of death?"

Elyan's muttered curse was answer enough.)

Reaching the clearing just as the Faerie contingent did, Merlin strode forward, suddenly seeming more confident than the servant that everyone (thought) they knew.

The leader of the troupe regarded him with a slightly confused expression, before seeming to come to a realization.

"You are not of this place."

Merlin seemed offended at the statement. "Not of Camelot? I've lived you several years now! Anyway, I've put a lot of work into it."

The Faerie regarded him. "Is this place important?"

Merlin seemed stunned. "Important?" What's that mean, "important?" Several thousand people live here; is that important? And here's a better question: is Camelot a threat to the Fae?"

A pause.

"Well, come on, you're monitoring the whole realm. _Is Camelot a threat_?"

One of the other faeries lifted a hand, and the air around them rippled, displaying images of Camelot- peasants working in the fields, Arthur and the knights riding on patrol, Uther sitting on the throne.

As if it pained him, the leader spat out a vengeful "No."

Merlin continued. "Are the people of this world guilty of any crime by the laws of the Faerie?"

More images flashed past- skirmishes with bandits, executions of sorcerers, and numerous prominet figures in Camelot's history, both past and present.

Again, the Faerie was foced to concede with another "No."

Merlin grinned. "Okay! One more, just one. Is this world protected?"

Now the images shifted, showing Afancs and Questing Beasts and assassins and bandits, as well as numerous other nasties that Arthur could recall tangling with

(The knights had been watching the entire proceedings along with the Crown Prince, Uther remaining at the castle. Thank goodness- he would have probably otherwise dies from sheer apoplectic rage at the amount of magic being displayed, though not before ordering some sort of nasty death for Merlin.)

As images of numerous foes rippled around him, Merlin continued his rant, now regarding the assembly with an almost condescending air. "But you're not the first lot to have come here. Oh, there have been so many. And what you've got to ask is...what happened to them?"

A final ripple, and the knights were treated to images of Merlin, using magic, as he shouted at dragons and pushed princes out of the was of daggers and slew sorceresses and misdirected arrows and created glowing balls of light to help a certain prince in a tight spot.

Merlin crossed his arms, and gave the faeries a chilling smile.

"Hello, my name's Emrys."

Now recognition dawned on the their faces, replaced by something disturbingly similar to fear.

Merlin faced them, and gave the faeries a piece of advice that they would remember for the rest of their lives.

"Basically…

_Run_."

* * *

**I'm really not happy with how this turned out, but I'm going to post it anyway. Because otherwise I'm going to delete the entire thing…and perhaps slam my head into the keyboard. Maybe I'll rewrite it later. Hm, I dunno...what do you think?**


End file.
